found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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