hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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