the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
