Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
whose parrot is this?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
