Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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