Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
