I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
