I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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