just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
