can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
