hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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