it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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