i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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