it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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