btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
