I just pynch a tree in the face
We named our party play list daddy issues
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
