im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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