Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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