I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
