DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
