she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
