dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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