he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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