I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
