I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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