I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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