Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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