someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
