My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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