the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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