I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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