Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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