Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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