am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
