He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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