just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
