Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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