What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
