The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize