I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
