apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
