It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
