JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
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I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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