Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I deserve this hangover.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
