Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.