Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.