I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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