Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No...this little piggys going to the bar
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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