tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
