She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
