Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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