Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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