i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
