The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
