Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
