I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
