based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
