dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
