Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
