I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
