I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
