so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
